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makluman: Entry ini cuma semacam luahan peribadi,mungkin tiada informasi.teruskan pembacaan sekiranya anda tidak kisah akan entry sebegini.terimakasih.

actually i was already half way writing an entry just mumbling about my busy life..i type then i stop to check my assignment..then i continue write...then i stop...join my housemate..ada hi-tea...hehehe...then i spent time read this one blog..Musing a Muallaf..thats Kak Aliya's blog..i've been following her blog since february i guess...

i love to read this kind of blog or story...meaning to say i love to read muallaf's stories...its because there are things that can only be seen through other people's eyes...sometimes we are to blind to see..or sometimes we realise about it but culture is superior than religion...we afraid to go against the community..we refuse to be different among others...plus, we always believe that we are not perfect...

but through Kak Aliya's stories..i learn something...born as muslim and revert to muslim is different...22years i've been raised as muslim but i admit im not the perfect muslim...sometime i feel regret about things that i have done...rasa nak repent terus..but next minute i forgot about it..and keep doing the same mistake..just like what im doing right now..now im writing how sorry i am for not being a good muslim...then later i dont feel anything anymore...

im not that bad..bukanlah aku ni pembunuh..perosak..pengebom!!...but somehow as human we cant runaway from doing mistake..mungkin aku tak menzalimi orang lain..tapi aku menzalimi diri sendiri..i always try to be good but there is time i come to think..kenapa nak susah2 jadi baik...i am good..at least better than extremist!im harmless!..what else to be fixed??..jahatkan...perasan bagus gitu...but i am not..something need to be done..

there must be a good reason why we have to do things that mention as syariah...sometimes we tend to blame other people...like i do..hohoho...ok..for example is aurat...when we at home..we didnt really cover upand expose aurat when other people come over to our house...especially to yang bukan muhrim...and family member..among cousins...there is like no boundaries because we've raised together since childhood...so we tend to assume them as our siblings...what if one day...i come to my pakcik house and i didnt take off my tudung sampai la waktu malam sebab i always stay overnight di sana...people must said that im ALIM..USTAZAH...people start to expect everything that i do must according to hukum..jaga halal haram..i must know better than them...i cannot jokes around anymore...i cannot talk and laugh loud anymore...this is what come through my mind..its a pshycology matter...always think what people will think about me and do i rather disobey?...sigh...sigh...this is very endless topic for me...always pujuk myself...kesedaran dah ada..bagusla..tapi lebih bagus ada kesedaran dan tindakan...kan??...lagipun kita nak jadi baik bukan untuk dinilai orang tapi untuk mendapat keredhaan..all n all...its easy to TYPE than DONE~~~~~

apa2pun..kalau nak berubah..haruslah dengan fahaman yang betul..ilmu yang cukup..persediaan yang baik dan sokongan dari org sekeliling..i used to change my appearance drastically...mula2 tu excited..lama2 jadi macam menyesal...hoho..sebab rasa diri ni tak layak lagi nak berubah gitu..takut nanti sebab salah aku sorang...habis semua dilabel xbaik...wahzzzz....sudah melalutzz nih....if there is anyone read my blog..thanks..thanks because u had spend ur time read this entry...and sorry coz there is not much to share this time...im looking forward this upcoming ramadhan..hoping for better ya!...im leaving u with this link..its related to what i type just now....click and read here..epp!!...jangan menguap boring aaa...hahahaa...paksa2 ka ni??


1 komen masuk:

[z@ck] berkata...

me too..
sumtimes rs nk change drastically..feel regret for my doings before this..rs nk repent at that moment gak..but later on rs cm betul ke apa aku bt ni..rs cm x bersedia lg nak betul2 brubah..me too oso insan yg melakukan kesalahan..well..i believe all humans make mistake..and to change to be a better person..we need to sacrifise a lot..persepsi org terhadap kita gak akan brubah..kena kuat tempuh dugaan lepas brubah..

till now..prasaan nak berubah btol2 tu ada..tp x taw nak berubah ke x..aduyaiii..

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